Life.

1:48am- listening to some Tony Anderson music that Symphony introduced to me the other day; It’s that time of the year again when I do some reflection, not for the world to know what happened in my life, but for my own sake, to know whether I’ve grown a little wiser as time passes by, to know if I’ve become a better person in this life, and most importantly to know if I’ve grown in my love for God. & I just realized that I’ve not blogged for two years. There won’t be many pictures in this blogpost (walao I just realized no one in this world uses blogspot anymore, this shall be my last post here man) so yes, just my thoughts being typed out.

There are a couple of major things that I’m thankful for this year…

1. University Life

I’m finally in University after taking a long break from studies. Most of my friends are going to graduate already but I’ve still got another three more years. It’s quite a struggle to know that I’m still not exactly enjoying what I’m doing to the fullest (or is there even such a thing). There are days that I come home thinking why the heck am I still studying this course. Then I’m being reminded every single day of the bigger picture- I may not know why I’m being placed here, but I know it’s not for me but for the bigger Man who is sovereign over my life. However, I’m thankful that I managed to get a full scholarship pursuing a degree in Civil Engineering. It has helped ease some financial burden off my parents as I know how hard it is for them to earn money just to support the family. I’m also thankful for the few friends I have in my uni, I still have a lot of work to do this year, not even sharing Christ with them. After completing my first year here, may this be a reminder to me that I still have lots of work to be done and I should not waste my uni life.

 2. Teacher Life

This year has been pretty good in terms of sowing lots of time into my student’s life and reaping the harvest in them achieving results, being able to share with them about Christ and them being thankful to me to even leave a small impact in their lives. It’s really these things that keep me going in doing what I do. Maybe a short story about the few students that I’ve focused on this year…

i.  Roy

The Thai boy that I’ve taught for almost two years. He was actually my very first one-to-one student that I’ve taught. Mad proud of him after the many hours spent with him, he was able to get pretty good results for the subject that I taught him. I wrote about him on my facebook post a couple of months back. His mom contacted me to teach him for his college again so I might be doing something that’s not wrong. Praise God indeed! (https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151682062666257&set=a.405963846256.205801.547831256&type=1&theater)

ii.  Kristen

The Sunway girl whom I call her my “xiao mei mei”. It was her PMR this year so most of my time spent was to teach her. I’m thankful to be able to teach her as she has taught me a lot of things in my life. Though she’s only 15 years old, I’m glad that I can talk to her about God even at her age right now.

iii.  Yoong Shen

I call him the champion because I remember asking him to tick the topics that he didn’t know for his Add Maths (this was two months before his IGCSE exam) and he ticked almost every single chapter. In my mind I went ‘oh boy how are we gonna do this’, but I told him not to give up and his perseverance paid off- 2 months of hardcore Add Maths and he managed to almost get an A(2 marks to an A). That’s crazy! Appreciate the Sunday breakfast that I have with you while teaching you bro.

iv.   JT

The second champion whom I taught Physics for about 3 months before his final IGCSE exam. Pretty funny dude and it was a good experience teaching him!

v.  Darren

Currently teaching him for his college syllabus. Am glad that he managed to pick up the pace in his studies as he didn’t do Add Maths in secondary school, phew hard work does pay off.

Every single student plays an important role in my life. I spend hours every week this whole year teaching them. It has taught me tons as an individual, much to learn. On the plus side, I’m also being able to save up some money for my future and also being able to help to contribute a little to my Grandpa’s medical fees. My passion for educating the next generation hasn’t wore off yet. My goal is not to just help them get the A’s, but to help them to be a better person, build them up to have better character in this life. I truly believe that getting all the A’s in the world does not prove much.

3. Skyward Life

A significant part of my life this year was joining Mhan and Myue to play in a band together. I’m extremely thankful to be able to serve our God with the passion that we have, constantly reminding each other of why we’re doing what we’re doing. Having like-minded people around me and being able to sharpen each other for the glory of God has been amazing journey. We’ve barely started in this journey so here’s to many years ahead. Soli Deo Gloria, Colossians 3:23- We give the glory skyward.

4. Church Life

I’m thankful for the people that God has called me to shepherd. This year has been tough due to a lot of transitions. I’m thankful for every single individual that has been put in my life. I’m constantly reminded of the gospel and it has to be preached to others because this is my calling in this life as a disciple of Christ. Also, for the DG that I’m in, that I can be accountable to this bunch of strong men in my life. Without them, I really don’t know how I would survive this year.

5.       High School Life, which never ended

Being a kampung boy, I’ve never really gone for an overseas holiday before. This year I was blessed by my beloved mommy to head to Melbourne to spend some time with my friends. A couple of us decided to make Australia our meeting point as we were spread at different places of the world. Truly appreciate the friendship that I have with this group of friends.

6.   Life

I’m thankful for life, that I can breathe another breath right now. I thank God for His grace every single day. I remember the feeling when I felt like dying when I had dengue, to think about it, I could have died that time because I was only admitted after at least a week since I got the fever. Another major event that happened was the death of Aunty Irene. Never thought that her time would come so soon, but I’m glad that she’s no more in pain and suffering in this life. She has definitely played a huge role in my life. There are a lot more things and people that I’m thankful for. The friendship built over the past year is just God-given. To the handful friends that I’ve got closer with this year, know that I appreciate you being in my life. To my family, love you all to bits.

Reflecting back on this year, I ask myself this, “Whatever I’m pursuing now, does it matter when The Day comes?”

I wake up every single day and most of the time I wonder, why the Almighty Sovereign God would choose to save me and use a sinful flawed and wretched man like me for His work.  I really don’t know why. All I know is that I’m living in His grace that I do not deserve at all. Knowing this humbles me to the core, to know that I’m not superman and I need a Saviour to save me from my sinful self. On that final day, I wish that I can say that I’ve fought the good fight of faith.

It's 5.15am, I should sleep.

*vanwasere. (:

Reflection.

2011 has no doubt been a year of learning and gaining many new experiences for me. There were tons of things that I'm thankful for, there were also tons of things that I wished I could turn back time to undo it. God is gracious, way too gracious to me. All in all, I thank God that I'm still alive, breathing the air that I'm breathing right now.

So here it goes, the people and experience that I'm thankful for... (in no particular order)

1. A-levels Results

Studying A-Levels at Help College has been a crazy ride for me. A-levels exam was a rough time for me but God is way too good to me to bless me with 2A*'s and 2A's. I never expected myself to score that kind of results because I was really struggling through it. Praise the Lord!

2. COLLEGE

College Friends

Every single one of you that I've met in college, know that I will definitely remember you all for life.

Further Maths Geeks

(Sihao, Yoke, Kevin, Daph, Chiong, Fionna, Genie, Carmen, Eric and the rest. & not to forget Mr Sam for educating us for this 1 and a half years.)

These bunch were the ones that made my college life interesting. Cherish every single one of you to bits.

Lynn.

The twin sister. Thanks for always being there when I needed someone and all the times that we've shared.

Nat nat.

Vanatalie till the end of times. Thanks for being the crazy insane you that bring smiles to everyone and just being a close friend to me.

Ali Bahremand.

The Iranian brother I never had. I miss you tons bro. We'll definitely meet again someday.

Chin Wen Pinnn.

You are a jolly good fellow. Thanks for all the talks that we had.

My birthday dinner after our last further maths paper in second semester. Thanks for celebrating it with me.

Physics class peeps.

(Nick, Ritesh, Chern, Ryan, Arshant, Lionel, Yoke, Hui Shiung and Ms Lilian)

This crazy bunch. Thanks for being the jokers in my college life.

Chemistry class.

(I can't find the picture!)

First of all, thank you Ms Ng for putting in so much hard work to educate us. All of the classmates in this class, thanks for being in my life.

A-Levels Prom

(Kevin, Me, Munyee, Yoke, Chiong, Lynn, Carmen, Fionna, Aik)Hyperblades.

It was definitely a good experience picking up dodgeball, playing in competitions and meeting all of you. Hope everything is well with everybody.

The A-race

Thank you student council for organising this event. Know that the RM1k that we won is in good hands.

SASA (Student Achiever Scholarship Award)

Thank you for giving me the scholarship to study in HELP to ease my parent's financial burden, or not I wouldn't even be studying in HELP and gaining this whole experience. Thanks Kin Ho for leading us and teaching us how to lead others too.

3. High School Mates.

Though things are different for every single one of us, know that I still cherish you all in my heart.
Dinner at Ampang Point

(Teckyan, Xinhui, Jeremy, bum, RahrahLee, KinkyTan, Shaws, Bigbird, Mr Paul, Zech)

Paramotoring.

where we flew high up in the sky wheeeee~

4. The Gap Year. Which road should I take?

After A-Levels, I decided not to go straight to university like all my other friends. It's because I couldn't afford to go overseas to pursue Engineering as it is too costly for my family. Initially, I was frustrated about the whole situation that I was going through. I questioned God about everything that was going on. But now I can see very clearly that everything happens for a reason. Matthew 6:33-34 became real to me. I thank God for rebuking me though His word and assuring me though these 2 verses. I knew I wasn't even seeking God's kingdom and His righteousness, so I knew I had to do something with my life.

5. CAMBODIA

During these few months, God has opened a lot of doors for me to serve Him. The first one was Cambodia trip in August with the Super 9 team for 9days!

Super 9 !

Top- Joel, me, Sean, Jeremy, Moks

Bottom- Sarah, Eilyn, Val, Eunice
CAMBODIANS.

The youth camp that we led, seeing the youth so hungry for God really did inspired me and got me questioning what in the world am I doing with my own life.

Going to Cambodia was THE turning point in my life. To cut the whole story short, God revealed to me His sovereignty in my life and I'm hopeless without Him. Being so comfortable in my life with everything I have can be pretty dangerous as I tend to be lukewarm in my life, thinking that I can go through another day without God. One thing that really hit me so hard in the face is when I saw all the youth study their Bible and wanting so much more from it. Even though the people there are not so well educated, they really take the time to understand the Bible and live according to the Word. Man, that was inspiring. Thank You God for revealing the weaknesses in my life.

6. CILI PADI CAMP.

In December, I was given the opportunity to be the Camp Coordinator for XYZ year end camp. It was a huge responsibility as I was the one planning the whole thing. I've learned a lot through this whole experience. There were few times that I just felt so helpless, thinking that I'm all alone in this journey. But God has assured me that even though my friends will fail me, He never will. I thank God for MOKS who gave me this chance to lead.

The best thing was definitely seeing my Cell Group, E2 having a change after this camp. God definitely has His ways and I'm still amazed to see how He works.

People that I'm thankful for...

7. My Family.
I thank God because I have the bestest of the best family in the world. I love my family.

Dad- Thank you for sacrificing your time with mommy to work in Brunei so that you can save up for my University fees. I know it's a really big sacrifice because you love mommy a lot, so thank you.

Mom- You're the most beautiful woman in my life. Thank you for providing us with the food on the table every day. Thank you for taking care of us and showing us sacrificial love.

Kor- Thank you for bearing with all my nonsense every single day. It must be really hard to be you to have a brother like me yet still love me for who I am.

8. MOKS aka Malvin Ong

with Abednego and Moks in Cambodia.

This year, you've definitely impacted my life in many ways. From Cambodia trip to XYZ Cili Padi Camp, I've learned so much from you especially in your efficiency in getting things done. I admire the way you want to serve people every opportunity you get and knowing that you want to do as much as you can in the life on earth. I'm glad that you're gonna be a daddy soon. I'll definitely tell your kids about how you've impacted my life, & definitely how crazy you are also. haha.

9. JACK. Where's Jill? & the Beanstalk.
Continue living for God. Thanks for encouraging in many ways to stay close with God.

10. Symphony Ong.
Through these years, I really do appreciate the wise words that you've said to me. You really have no idea how you've helped me through my life. Especially during the lowest times of my life, you were a true friend when I needed someone. Continue to be a blessing to others like how you are to me. I know that I wouldn't be able to find someone like you. I really do hope for the best for you when you're in Aussie. Know that you're someone that I truly cherish.

11. Eilyn aka Pork Chops
Thank you for being a true friend. It's amazing how you are an example to others especially to the girls in E2. Observing the way you live your life inspires me to be a testimony to others too. Thank you for being someone who I can talk to just about anything, and thank you for having the courage to rebuke me of my ways because you care.

poop masters. I miss all of us together, a lot. :/

12. C2. (and C1 in the picture)
Thankyou Ah Fai Kor for being a great example to me. Thank you people in C2 who have been teaching me the Word of God every single time I meet with all of you.

13. Sampathood.


Man, look at how much we've grown through all these years. Thanks for letting me hang out with all of you even though I'm one year younger. Till the day we die, we'll be together in this family, sampathood.

14. E2 itu diaaa!

All of you peeps are the most amazing bunch that I've ever met. I know I'm excited to walk in this journey with all of you this year. I don't know if my time is limited with all of you, but I know I would want to grow with you all as much as I can. I'm sorry for being a lost leader myself for few years and only being awakened this year, it is by God's grace that I now see His sovereignty. I'm excited to see how God is going to use us this year. Appreciate you peeps to bits.

15. The Brotherhood.

Thank you Victor for sacrificing so much time to impart to our lives. Melvin, Joel, Ryan, Ben Phoon and Ronnie, thank you all for being brothers to me.

16. Being a Teacher.
Daniel and Eric. The cutest Korean kids ever.

After A-Levels, I was offered a job to teach English, Maths, Mandarin and whatever I can help out with in a Korean Centre. Until now, I still teach at the centre once in awhile.

Never in a million years I would expect myself to be a teacher. God has provided me with private tuitions outside teaching Maths and Science related subjects. I really thank God for providing me with students even though I didn't ask for anything. God really does provides me with what I need. On top of that, I get to impart knowledge to the younger generation and in a way gives me chance to share the Gospel with them when I can. Thank you Moks once again for inspiring me to touch the younger generation's lives by educating them and also providing me with students.

Love of God.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

(Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV)

It's crazy love indeed; how God wants to use a sinner like me for His kingdom. My purpose in this life is just to obey His Word and commands because I don't own anything, not even my life. I know I'm made for Him and not Him for me.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.

(Colossians 3:23 ESV)

I'm excited where God will lead me this year. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm still sure as ever who holds my future.

2011 has come to past, we should want to live according to the Word, preach the Gospel to others, preach the Gospel to ourselves daily, be reminded of the cross, make disciples for His kingdom and most importantly, not lose the love for God and for other people.

I am truly thankful for God using me and being real in my life. You are Sovereign.

*vanwasere. (:

Faith.

5th of September 2011.

Gap year officially starts today. I really don't know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future.

Insanity Fit Test Day 1. Can I make it to the 60th day ?

钱不是问题, 开心就好 : money is definitely not everything in life.

I'm excited of what God is gonna reveal to me this year. Dear Lord, thank you for giving me this life and this season of my life just to seek you and understand you. Whatever the outcome is, be it good or bad, You are in control.

Faith: It is the confident assurance in the character and nature of God; a strong or unshakeable belief in something, without proof or evidence.

Faith is what pleases God. “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6. I learned that my faith is not about all of my beliefs and convictions. I have a ton of those, but those things are not what pleases God. What pleases God is when I put every ounce of my trust, my faith in Him even when I do not know the outcome, when I do not understand and when I may not get my way.

Read more: http://blogcritics.org/culture/article/faith-vs-belief/page-3/#ixzz1X5GM2axU

*vanwasere. becauseYouarethetrueGod. (:

10 Reasons to Believe in a God Who Allows Sufferings.

Natural disasters. Terrorist acts. Injustice. Incurable disease. All these experiences point to suffering, and can cause people to question the love and goodness of a God who would let such things occur. In this publication, we seek to consider who God is, and why we can trust Him even when life hurts—and we don’t know why.

Suffering Comes With The Freedom To Choose

Loving parents long to protect their children from unnecessary pain. But wise parents know the danger of over-protection. They know that the freedom to choose is at the heart of what it means to be human, and that a world without choice would be worse than a world without pain. Worse yet would be a world populated by people who could make wrong choices without feeling any pain. No one is more dangerous than the liar, thief, or killer who doesn’t feel the harm he is doing to himself and to others (Genesis 2:15-17).

Pain Can Warn Us Of Danger

We hate pain, especially in those we love. Yet without discomfort, the sick wouldn’t go to a doctor. Worn-out bodies would get no rest. Criminals wouldn’t fear the law. Children would laugh at correction. Without pangs of conscience, the daily dissatisfaction of boredom, or the empty longing for significance, people who are made to find satisfaction in an eternal Father would settle for far less. The example of Solomon, lured by pleasure and taught by his pain, shows us that even the wisest among us tend to drift from good and from God until arrested by the resulting pain of their own shortsighted choices (Ecclesiastes 1-12; Psalms 78:34-35; Romans 3:10-18).

Suffering Reveals What Is In Our Hearts

Suffering often occurs at the hand of others. But it has a way of revealing what is in our own hearts. Capacities for love, mercy, anger, envy, and pride can lie dormant until awakened by circumstances. Strength and weakness of heart is found not when everything is going our way but when flames of suffering and temptation test the mettle of our character. As gold and silver are refined by fire, and as coal needs time and pressure to become a diamond, the human heart is revealed and developed by enduring the pressure and heat of time and circumstance. Strength of character is shown not when all is well with our world but in the presence of human pain and suffering (Job 42:1-17; Romans 5:3-5; James 1:2-5; 1 Peter 1:6-8).

Suffering Takes Us To The Edge Of Eternity

If death is the end of everything, then a life filled with suffering isn’t fair. But if the end of this life brings us to the threshold of eternity, then the most fortunate people in the universe are those who discover, through suffering, that this life is not all we have to live for. Those who find themselves and their eternal God through suffering have not wasted their pain. They have let their poverty, grief, and hunger drive them to the Lord of eternity. They are the ones who will discover to their own unending joy why Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:1-12; Romans 8:18-19).

Pain Loosens Our Grip On This Life

In time, our work and our opinions are sought less and less. Our bodies become increasingly worse for the wear. Gradually they succumb to inevitable obsolescence. Joints stiffen and ache. Eyes grow dim. Digestion slows. Sleep becomes difficult. Problems loom larger and larger while options narrow. Yet, if death is not the end but the threshold of a new day, then the curse of old age is also a blessing. Each new pain makes this world less inviting and the next life more appealing. In its own way, pain paves the way for a graceful departure ( Ecclesiastes 12:1-14).

Suffering Gives Opportunity To Trust God

The most famous sufferer of all time was a man named Job. According to the Bible, Job lost his family to “a mighty wind,” his wealth to war and fire, and his health to painful boils. Through it all, God never told Job why it was happening. As Job endured the accusations of his friends, heaven remained silent. When God finally did speak, He did not reveal that His archenemy Satan had challenged Job’s motives for serving God. Neither did the Lord apologize for allowing Satan to test Job’s devotion to God. Instead, God talked about mountain goats giving birth, young lions on the hunt, and ravens in the nest. He cited the behavior of the ostrich, the strength of the ox, and the stride of the horse. He cited the wonders of the heavens, the marvels of the sea, and the cycle of the seasons. Job was left to conclude that if God had the power and wisdom to create this physical universe, there was reason to trust that same God in times of suffering (Job 1-42).

God Suffers With Us In Our Suffering

No one has suffered more than our Father in heaven. No one has paid more dearly for the allowance of sin into the world. No one has so continuously grieved over the pain of a race gone bad. No one has suffered like the One who paid for our sin in the crucified body of His own Son. No one has suffered more than the One who, when He stretched out His arms and died, showed us how much He loved us. It is this God who, in drawing us to Himself, asks us to trust Him when we are suffering and when our own loved ones cry out in our presence ( 1 Peter 2:21; 3:18; 4:1 ).

God’s Comfort Is Greater Than Our Suffering

The apostle Paul pleaded with the Lord to take away an unidentified source of suffering. But the Lord declined saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” “Therefore,” said Paul, “most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Paul learned that he would rather be with Christ in suffering than without Christ in good health and pleasant circumstances.

In Times Of Crisis, We Find One Another

No one would choose pain and suffering. But when there is no choice, there remains some consolation. Natural disasters and times of crisis have a way of bringing us together. Hurricanes, fires, earthquakes, riots, illnesses, and accidents all have a way of bringing us to our senses. Suddenly we remember our own mortality and that people are more important than things. We remember that we do need one another and that, above all, we need God. Each time we discover God’s comfort in our own suffering, our capacity to help others is increased. This is what the apostle Paul had in mind when he wrote, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” ( 2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

God Can Turn Suffering Around For Our Good

This truth is best seen in the many examples of the Bible. Through Job’s suffering we see a man who not only came to a deeper understanding of God but who also became a source of encouragement for people in every generation to follow. Through the rejection, betrayal, enslavement, and wrongful imprisonment of a man named Joseph, we see someone who eventually was able to say to those who had hurt him, “You meant evil against me; but God meant it for good” ( Genesis 50:20). When everything in us screams at the heavens for allowing suffering, we have reason to look at the eternal outcome and joy of Jesus who in His own suffering on an executioner’s cross cried, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” ( Matthew 27:46)

You’re Not Alone

You’re Not Alone

You’re not alone if you find yourself honestly unconvinced about whether Christ rose from the dead. But keep in mind that Jesus promised God’s help to those who want to be right with God. He said, “If anyone chooses to do God’s will, he will find out whether My teaching comes from God or whether I speak on My own” (John 7:17 NIV).

If you do see the reasonableness of the resurrection, keep in mind that the Bible says Christ died to pay the price for our sins, and those who believe in their heart that God has raised Him from the dead will be saved (Romans 10:9-10). The salvation Christ offers is not a reward for effort, but a gift to all who in light of the evidence put their trust in Him.

taken from http://discoveryseries.org/ten-reasons/in-a-god-who-allows-suffering/

*vanwasere. throughpainandsufferings, Hewillsustainusall. (:

Trust.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

vanwasere. imaynotknowwhy,butiknowwho'sincontrol. (:

Life with Accutane. Hormone flying.

" I am Buzz Lightyear. I come in peace. " *piu piu piu*

What up homies and homers. Why the random post you wonder. Just to write my thoughts out i suppose.

Well, I've been getting tons of people asking me bout what happened to the sudden outburst on my face. So, this is the story of my life, with Roaccutane.



I'll let my Terminator Bearbrick introduce to my not so friendly friend, ROACCUTANE. I'm on Accutane now, again after 5 years due to my active oil glands and stuff. What this drug does, it reduces oil glands in every single part of my body and my face, like crazy, and when I say crazy, it's really insanely crazy.

I first took this pill when I was 13years old because I had terrible skin due to my acne. It's not because I didn't take good care of my skin, it's something to do with my hormones and oil glands. My skin doc said I had really oily skin due to my body producing overdose of hormones, I could literally fry an egg on my face with the amount of oil even after i wash my face when i was younger, no joke. Everyone has hormone jumping, my hormone was flying, sky high, like booms. and I guess this is the reason why I like so many girls, haha no i kid, i only like one girl. Anyway, I took it for a year and my oil glands were controlled.

BUT, the sucky thing bout this pill is the process of it. TONS OF SIDE EFFECTS. I remember my skin doctor said that she could list at least a thousand if she were to write a list bout it. one of it is labelled at the back of the cover my pills -



I can't get pregnant while taking this pill because a defect child would be born. So, I guess i'll have to stay away from getting pregnant for the moment. yeah.

few of the significant ones that were listed are - Dry skin, dry mouth, dry eyes, suicide, depression etc etc.

Dry skin- DRY LIKE NO ONE'S BUSINESS. This is something that I struggle with the most while taking it cos my skin literally cracks and bleed because of the dryness of my skin. one of the worse part if the nose area cos I feel like my nose is gonna drop off like Michael Jackson's due to the dryness of it. So thank God for moisturisers and lip balm !

Suicide and depression- I think i read it somewhere that there were bout 250 cases worldwide of people commiting suicide while taking this pill, screws up your hormones I guess. There was a guy who actually stole a plane from an airport and crash it somewhere and the doc said it's due to this pill.

As for me, I guess I'm emotionally stable and it doesn't screw up my thinking. I guess why people get into depression is also due to the side effects. When you're on it, Accutane dries your skin up like crazy, and you'll have like a skin that's 100 times worse than before (the guy below explains all bout it, his skin wasn't that bad before) before it heals completely. Also, I guess people get depressed cos it screws your skin up BADLY before it heals completely before it heals so you just have to be patient with it through the process.



I'm in that phase now, of my skin getting from just 10 zits to like a hundred zits and it's really insanely dry. Oh the reason why i took it's because my oil glands' really active again after 5years so i hope this is the last time round. I dreaded taking this pill and I took one week of thinking before taking it again cos of the amount of side effects and the outburst that I'll have while taking this pill, somehow you just lose motivation to go thru your day. I was pretty insecure bout it when I was 13 years old cos of the massive outbreak, I tend to avoid people whom I think may judge me. But I guess I'm over that stage now.

Even though my skin's gonna be terrible for like another 3-4 months or so before it heals completely, I've learnt that I don't have to seek approval from people around me. I have my security in Jesus and that's what matters, to me at least. I may not know why God created acne in the first place, but I know that I've been relying on Him to go through my day, just thanking Him even for my existence in this life. Though it may be sucky at times, but once again I thank God every single morning that I can wake up and tell Him,
Psalm 139 : 13-14,
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made ;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. "

Well yeah it gets a tad bit annoying at times when I explain to people that I'm taking Accutane and my skin will go from bad to horrible during the period while I'm taking it before it starts clearing up. People go like are you sure that these stuff works and all and they're like yada this and that. And for those people who understand when you ask and I tell you all bout it and you kinda sorta maybe get it, I really appreciate it much cos it does make a significant difference to my day. Would really appreciate prayers that it'll heal faster as I really wanna go for a mission trip after exams, if my skin's too dry I doubt i'll be able to go. Sucks to be me. booo.

ENOUGH OF ACCUTANE :D

As most of all of you know, I'm sitting for my finals for A-levels. FEW MORE DAYS OF COLLEGE AND I'M GRADUATING ! One word for Edexcel, I detest you, very much. No matter how hard I've tried to like you, it's just hard. haha no but seriously, exams this term's really tough especially further maths. It's okay I can bare with it with God's help definitely.

My classic "messy room during exam period" photo.

It's cleaner compared to SPM time cos I studied way more back then (you can look at my old pictures). I'm just distracted by tons of things now. Pretty worried myself. JUNE 27th, I'm gonna run in the forest like a free man cos FREEEEEEDOMMMMMM FOR ME !

Though, I really don't know what I'm gonna do after my college life and whatever the future holds, I still believe that God will provide for every need and He has it all planned out- so if I don't get to go into Uni yet, I'll prolly take a gap year to learn some other stuff other than my school books.

A random photo of, MICROGENIUS. a classic game device. Bro found it when he was cleaning up the room.
This machine made part of who I am today. I played Supermario and Tetris and tons of other games all day long when I was younger. Supermario's still definitely part of me now. love that silly guy.



It was NIGAHIGA's birthday yesterday. I've been following and watching every single video of his since my friend told me bout him when i was like 15 or 16. He's hilarious, and KEVJUMBA too definitely. Been singing this song all day long.

Time to sleep and do some further maths for the day. Chem 6 paper sucked.

*vanwasere. thankingJesusforstrengthandcourageeachday. (: